Based in HOTLANTA, GA, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME is a blog by A SEVERELY SINGLE (but sexy) FEMALE. Her posts explore PERSONAL ENCOUNTERS WITH MAMA'S BOYS, SEMI-GROWN ASS MEN, SEXY STRANGERS AND OF COURSE YOUR CLASSIC FUCK BOY.

GI Joe

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He is a sexy silver fox and one of the sweetestmen I have ever met. Sounds perfect right? WRONG-O - he was totally delusional.

Background info
GI Joe is in his early 40s and not an Atlanta native.  I cannot talk about what he does because he is employed by the federal government and works hard at keeping our country safe.  He is also a veteran. He's very well built, tall and a dork who thinks Uncle Cracker qualifies as rap music. When we first started dating I wondered how the fuck this man stayed single for so long..... NOW I FUCKING KNOW. *facepalm* there is no such thing as the perfect man.... especially when mommy and daddy tell you that you're God's gift to earth on the daily.  He also cannot hold his liquor to save his life.... I'll elaborate on this later.

How did we meet?
We met on a dating app... and he lied about all his info, including his name (he said it was for security reasons)

What Happened?
We chatted on the app for a few days then moved onto text message.  I asked him what he did for work and he told me it was something to do with the federal government (very vague).  One day he was texting me paragraph responses and I was like "bruh is you working or nah?" because our tax dollars are paying your salary right now and idk how I feel about you texting me on my dime.  I asked him if I was keeping him from his work and he reassured me he was getting paid to work out and chat with me. Not gonna lie... I WAS KIND OF ANNOYED.  

We eventually made date plans at Southern Art (Intercontinental Buckhead).  I remember I texted him ahead of time and told him I would be about 15 minutes late due to traffic. Homeboy was 30 minutes early..... WHO SHOWS UP 30 MINS EARLY?? Like wait in your car dude and don't let me know that you're an extremely over eager beaver.  I remember the first time I heard him speak, his voice was so fucking deep.  He sounded like Robert Barone (Raymond's brother) from Everybody Loves Raymond. I was like uhhhhh interesting...... I don't want to bore you guys to death but the date was pretty vanilla. I asked him if he wanted to hit up another bar since the conversation was actually flowing and he said NO - he rather go back to his place. ***fire alarm - run for the fucking hills***

 

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