Based in HOTLANTA, GA, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME is a blog by A SEVERELY SINGLE (but sexy) FEMALE. Her posts explore PERSONAL ENCOUNTERS WITH MAMA'S BOYS, SEMI-GROWN ASS MEN, SEXY STRANGERS AND OF COURSE YOUR CLASSIC FUCK BOY.

Sexy Lumberjack

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He was like a young Colin Ferrel with a sick ass body. He is the sexy lumberjack (there's a video of him chopping wood). Think about what Paul Bunyan would look like on a Harlequin romance novel cover.

Background info
The Sexy Lumberjack is in his early 30s and not an Atlanta native.  He has a pretty important role at one of the ATL professional sports teams. I'm not going to tell you which team because I don't want you ladies to stalk this nice guy.... just trust me when I say he's fucking sexy.  He also has this thing for gangster rap (something he picked up from the players on the team.... or so he says).  He's also really into his body and digs chicks who are super into fitness (NOT ME).

How did we meet?
We met on a dating app... not gonna tell you who because I don't want you crazies to go looking for him LOL.... go look for him on the beltline somewhere. He's ALWAYS THERE.

What Happened?
Soooo we were messaging back and forth for a little while.  He was busy with the season and being on the road all the time.  We actually had long and semi-in-depth conversations since he was always on a long flight.  I remember one time I even coaxed homeboy into sending me a selfie while they were actually playing a game.... DON'T WORRY - they won. (I still have it til this day - no I'm not a psycho)  

It was a while before we decided to go on a date but eventually it did happen.  We both loved oysters and decided to meet up at this popular place in Decatur.... at the time ATL was going through some major traffic issues (when is it not) so getting down to Decatur was just a nightmare.  I remember it was fucking hot outside so I was wearing a sun dress - I was so fucking over dressed it was not even funny.  Homeboy showed up like Colin Ferrel would - a v-neck tee and some designer jeans **drool** and I'm over here looking like I came from an afternoon wine tasting at Chateau Elan **face palm** [side note: my GBF said I looked like I came from my grand daddy's plantation]

We actually ate dinner outside and watched the sunset. It was pretty chill.... almost like hanging out with your guy friend because homeboy was not that charming.... like what you'd imagine a dinner with a lumberjack would be like.  DON'T GET ME WRONG - he's fucking cool peeps. We talked about living in the North, rap music, being home owners, relationships, stuff..... and weed hahaha.  Apparently we both like the trees. BUT - let me get back to the relationship stuff.  So apparently homeboy has only had one girlfriend... in life. I asked him why and he said he had been focusing on his career and didn't really have the time for it.  DOESN'T THAT SCREAM "I'M A PLAYERRRRRR"? He said the one relationship really hurt him and he never really thought about getting into another.  He also told me when he likes someone he just falls real hard - gets super clingy and what not. FUCKING WEIRD. That's like textbook shit. He was just spitting them lines like nobody's business. At this point he should have been treating me like a homegirl because I wasn't falling for it and it could definitely kick it and smoke some trees. 

So dinner was coming to an end and I had to use the little girl's room. I FUCKING LEFT MY PHONE ON THE TABLE FACE UP.  Guess who fucking texts me while I'm away.... MR. FUCKING FLEX. Message read "Hey sweetie! What are you up to tonight?" OF COURSE LUMBERJACK SAW... we were sitting outside in the dark. I was mortified... even though I could feel this wasn't going anywhere.

We walk towards our cars and he invites me over to smoke a bowl.  I declined since I had a big day the following morning (lots of contracts to sign). He texts me his address anyways (after he has pulled out of the parking lot) and I again politely decline.  I asked him if he wanted to just smoke the next day and homeboy says he has to hang with his best friend's girlfriend - AGAIN, FUCKING WEIRD.

We text here and there but eventually messages go unanswered and we're both consumed by our daily lives.  (His season was getting ready to end and I was busy with home removations).

Silence.... and then homeboy texts me "Happy 4/20" lol.

One drunken night I texted him and tried to hook him up with my girlfriend after she saw the wood chopping video.  HE WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTED. Girllllllll I just left that shit alone because I was waiting for Eyebrows on Fleek to pick me up from a concert.

Still sexyyyyy, still fine as ever and still part of the ATL pro sports franchise.  Keep doing good for our boys bruh! F.I.L.A.

 

 

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