Stick Built


Uh, Uh, honey got me hooked on you **Mariah Carey voice**
He was one of the most handsome men I've ever been on a date with... but he is too young to even recognize the above mentioned song.

Background info
Stick Built is in his mid 20s and does not live in Atlanta (yes, he is younger than me).  He is in the construction business with the rest of his family and hails from a mid-western state. This delicious man is very physically fit, has an olive complexion, green eyes and a nice head of hair... and he's tall.  He has a wholesome quality about himself, something that makes him stand out from his douche bag privileged friends (and he's also significantly more good looking than his comrades).  Just because daddy gave you a fancy title at his company, you sometimes party it up at Hakkasan and you've seen the Master's in Augusta doesn't mean you're a city slicker my dude.  The cool factor only comes to play when you live in a state with A PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAM. Bye boy wonder, guh on now.

How did we meet?
We exchanged glances at a popular futuristic driving range..... take a wild fucking guess.

What Happened?
Let's start out by saying my GBF (gay best friend) is as equally entertaining, fabulous and crazy as I am. (hahahaha see what I did there?).... he's probably more fabulous than I am. He's my soul sister from another mrs. & mr.  So when we see a piece of man meat we like its fair to assume we're thinking the same exact thing "ZAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYYY!" **queue the pervert eyes**

Sooooo that's what happened that day we were at the driving range.  We were hanging with a group of friends and we both spotted Mr. Tall, olive & handsome a few bays down.... but little did we know he was staring back.  My GBF notices the considerable amount of eye fucking going on and he decides to take it upon himself and make an introduction because I honestly believe he was getting annoyed af.  Queue the most awkward intro ever!!! Its like having your crazy aunt introduce you to a dude you been crushing on at the 7th grade dance (except your aunt is a gay man that could probably break mr.handsome in half while cussing him tf out and making him cry at the same time. You fierce boo... you fierce).  He asks for my number and texts me about an hour later. Mind you my WHOLE crew including a few of my cousins were watching this whole exchange go down. NO BUENO - it was even broadcast on FB live.

We end up meeting a few hours later in East Atlanta.  He seems very eager to hang out but cannot stray away from his rag tag group of bruhs (they were a bunch of privileged kids from the midwest who thought their shit didn't stink - WELL HONEY YO SHIT STANK).  So like a good friend my GBF came along with me.... as well as another friend who shall not be named since they couldn't keep their shit together **Drake voice: Yeah I had a drink, yeah I smoked**

During this "hangout" one of his friends who looked like Nick Hogan deeply offended my GBF.  Things clearly got a little weird and it was time to leave.  They try to coax us into going back to their AirBNB in fucking East Atlanta.  HOW FUCKING SKETCH CAN YOU GUYS BE?!?! [background info: they were there for a birthday weekend and only went to strip clubs.... how tf do you go to magic city two nights in a row and claim you're only there for the music.... fucking morons.] The night ends with the "Robin Hood Men in Tights" crew trying to get us to hook them up with some greens.  GBF gets sketched out (honestly he was pretty high at that point) and we head home. It doesn't end there.

During the time we're hanging out homeboy won't disclose which company he works for. GBF and I have friends who work for leading commercial real estate developers in the metro Atlanta area. SUPER FUCKING SKETCH because this would be a great networking op. We get back home and we find who this man-child is. Literally took me 5 minutes - tracing the phone number back to the city in which its listed and running a search of the largest construction companies in the area. BING BANG BOOM. Found you suckaaaa. 

We actually ended up texting the next day and agreed to meet again without the friends in tow.  We had a decent conversation at Intermezzo and he seemed pretty genuine/wholesome. He dropped me off and we ended up making out.... it might have been my boy Gin egging me on but I was curious enough to cop a feel.  IT DIDN'T LIVE UP TO THE HYPE. His skinny peen didn't make up for his puffy nipples (we saw these through his under armor shirt back at the driving range. legit scarred our corneas and photographic memories).  It was like finding out the princess didn't live happily ever after because frfr WHO THE FUCK IS HAPPY WITH SKINNY PEEN.

He left the next day and we exchanged texts for about a week until we both got bored of each other.

Occasionally I would receive texts from him when he was passing through the city but coincidentally I was always out of town or on another date.

FFWD 6 months later.... I was actually seeing GI Joe at the time. I receive a text from bruh and he wants to hang out. I politely decline and explain that I've been steadily seeing someone.  

DO NOT THINK I'M CRAZY - but my homegirl follows him from her fake IG account LOL. (I know you bitches do this too or at least have a friend who does this for you.) HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND THE WHOLE TIME. But get this..... she's a PAGEANT QUEEN who also hails from a midwestern state. ***FACE PALM*** If this has told me anything.... THIS TURD FACE AINT SHIT. You could be gorgeous, smart and have your shit together and these hoes will still hoe. 

As my friend in commercial real estate would say "Find you a MAN who builds with CONCRETE, not a BOY who builds with STICKS."  (stick built's company worked on much smaller and less sophisticated projects than my friend's)

FUCK THE STATE OF IOWA and all the sons who hail from there.

xoxo bitches


Lord of the Dance